Wearing your heart on you sleeve

Ah Livie... my sweet, happy, easy girl. You certainly know how do do things with impact. Nothing small scale for you. If its worth doing, do it big.

Daddy got the call from daycare Monday that you had eaten a mushroom in the playground and EMS had been called. I was out the door and heading to the parking garage within seconds. Funny, with two working parents, whenever child issues come up, you normally compare schedules and decide who can drop everything to respond. In crisis mode the same mentality hits and both of us responded - my afternoon is okay, I'll cover this one. There was no way in hell either of us were not getting in the car as soon as the call came in regardless of whose schedule was clear or whose turn it was. I got halfway to the garage before I realized - maybe I should figure out where you were going to be. Daddy didn't know either so another round of calls with daycare and off I went to Kingwood Medical Center. All we knew at that point was that your airways were not blocked.

Somehow I decide 80 seemed a "safe" driving speed. Logically I figured getting pulled over may actually speed up time because then I could get a police escort. I blessed the two trucks that had been pulled over before I got there and were otherwise occupying the cops as I sped past. Of course no parking - how can their be no parking. So I literally ran from my remote parking spot to the emergency room. The desk sent me to registration. Registration told me that I could sit out in the waiting room and they would call me in a few minutes - um... no... I think I stayed remarkably calm as I explained that I didn't know if you were okay, I didn't know where you were, I didn't know anything - and luckily she made the quick assumption that I was not going to go sit and wait for an answer. She checked the computer, she called back to the ER - is there a young lady in there. I explained - only 18 months, not a young lady, my baby. No record of you in the emergency room, no record of you in transit. I called back Daddy - Kingwood, right? Yes. I called daycare - Kingwood Hospital. I confirmed with registration - there is no separate Kingwood Hospital its just Kingwood Medical Center, right? Yes. That's where I am? Yes. I got the cell phone for Miss Susanna who went in the ambulance with you and left a message. And then back to speaking to the woman from registration - Can you check again? No, we don't have an 18 month old. Is it possible that she is here but not in the computer yet? No. What do you recommend that I do - should I walk in the ambulance bay and start looking for her? I swear I was calm and polite but clearly I was not going to sit and wait. She called back again and I was directed back through the double doors. Apparently a scared mom can get from downtown to the hospital faster then the ambulance from the next town over.

The nurses station was talking about the mushroom girl and looking in the direction of a room. I rushed past in that direction. And there you lay on the hospital bed. So lethargic, head slumped over. Your eyes and nose red and swollen. Your body covered in a red spotty rash. Your eyes so tired and worn down. Wires and monitors everywhere. So much bigger then your last time in the emergency room but still so small. It doesn't fit someone so small should not be in a big, stark hospital bed. When you saw me you just reached out your hand and grabbed mine. I tried to move around the hospital bed so I could come sit next to you but you did not want to let go.

I think there were 6 or 7 people in your cramped little room. The questions started. Do you know her social security number - no. Any medications - nothing right now, Zyrtec last week, an inhaler - Advair, a nebulizer - um whats the name - I can't remember. Weight - we went to the doctor's Thursday. I don't remember. You were in the 40th percentile on weight and in the 80th percentile for height. That sparked a flurry of activity. Not 40 pounds, no. Maybe metric, no. Finally someone shouted about the rest - no, percentile, she doesn't remember the weight. Had you ever been sick before, like serious sickness - yes, meningitis, when you were 7 days old (Like I said - might as well do it big). Even the nurse agreed - wow, meningitis, at 7 days old, that counts as serious.

The doctor came in and explained that he had spoken to the poison center and mushrooms in Texas rarely have serious problems. Some cause liver damage but its unlikely that that is what you ate. We had the stem that Miss Karen or Miss Trena thoughtfully saved after grabbing it from your mouth but no cap so not enough for identification. We could watch for vomiting but it seemed like the mushroom was unlikely to cause serious damages. And then Daddy got there and you reached out for him with both hands - already the Benedryl was seeming to take effect and you were looking and feeling better. So the doctor recapped and then continued.

The thing is its highly unlikely that mushrooms in Texas would cause a rash. I explained our family history - allergies are prevalent, everything causes a rash. And he continued, it was more likely that we should look for an alternative cause. And here it is - in amidst the spotty rash are a couple of fire ant bits on your hand. So when eating a mushroom wasn't big enough, you simultaneously got fire ant bites and identified yourself as highly allergic to bug bites. I had noticed your wrists were particualirly red and the rash seemed to be lasting more then the other spots that were slowly subsidding and thought - weird with her wrists.

I would have preferred the mushroom. Mushrooms you can avoid. How the hell are we going to keep you from avoiding fire ants. You are lucky you have Daddy to balance me out. If it were only me we may never go outside again. You may never go to school again. We might even just pack up and get the hell out of the South. I hate fire ants and am very conscious of them and I still get a couple of bites every year.

The doctor explained - the first time you get exposed to an allergen its likely that you will have no reaction, check. The second exposure may cause a reaction, check. The third exposure will l be worse. I understand. The nurse reiterated it after he left. Its likely that next time you get bitten by a fire ant it is likely you will stop breathing. The issue is the EpiPen Jr is designed for children who are 33 pounds. You are 23. Following the 50th percentile charts for girls. You won't be 33 for another two years. The EpiPen will give you approximately 1/3 more medicine then you should get for your size and as of right now we don't have any good alternatives. And from the patient insert overdose on epinephrine is not an insignificant matter. Nothing like wearing your heart on your sleeve. An unprotected, risky, fire ant laden sleeve.

When talking to your teachers later they said they saw you put the mushroom in your mouth and ran across the playground and grabbed it out. You bit down but probably didn't swallow anything. They saw the fireant bites on your arm and pulled off your clothes and diaper to make sure there weren't any other ants on you (the ant part somehow got left out of translation). At that point they saw the rash all over you and called the front desk to have the director come back and look. Before she got finished processing a payment and around the corner, your eyes were swollen shut and Miss Trena picked you up and was running for help. She said your body was limp and they were in tears. Miss Susanna came around the corner and you grabbed on to her and would not let anyone else calm you. She said you were struggling for breath. I'm not sure if anaphalaxix was setting in or if you were just hyperventalating. I'm not sure I want to know.

I once told Grandpa Rod that living in Texas was fine but the three things I hated were fire ants, George Bush Jr, and mosquitoes, in that order. I'd like to revise that statement. I hate fire ants, fire ants, and fire ants.